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Fulfillments Vs Satisfaction
By www.menhealthonline.biz
Instantaneous satisfactions and pleasures associated with such things as sex, drugs, chocolate, movies, and television have become a common staple in the mental and physical diet for many Americans. We fail to realize the long-term repercussions of such choices and moreover fail to realize the benefit in choosing the less instant path or "fulfillments". As Dr. Seligman writes in his book Authentic Happiness: The belief that we can rely on shortcuts to happiness, joy, rapture, comfort, and ecstasy, rather than be entitled to these feelings by the exercise of personal strengths and virtues, leads to legions of people who in the middle of great wealth are starving spiritually (2002). Pleasures For many Americans their lives are filled with instant pleasures that provide no long-term benefits. Our entire culture continues creating quick fix solutions that lead to failure after failure depleting our confidence and self-esteem. Forty-billion dollars is spent on weight loss satisfactions every year which translates into forty-billion being spent for failure and an impoverished self-efficacy. Shortcuts are proven to bypass wisdom yet we continue to pour our energy, finances, and efforts into escaping life's current circumstances for just one quick pleasurable moment. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, (pronounced Cheeks sent me high"), points out that the common pleasure of watching television, for example, provides no challenge of ones personal skills and abilities, therefore the result is mild depression during that specific activity. These kinds of pleasures leave us more disheartened and ungratified than we were before. Instant pleasures are parasites to the brain (Csikszentmihalyi, 2006). The afterglow of a pleasurable activity pales in comparison to the afterglow of a fulfilling activity (Seligman, 2002). The excerpt below articulately explains what happens to our mind while engaging in pleasurable activities. ... with nothing to do, the mind is unable to prevent negative thoughts from elbowing their way to center stage. ... Worries about one's love life, health, investments, family, and job are always hovering at the periphery of attention, waiting until there is nothing pressing that demands concentration. As soon as the mind is ready to relax, zap! the potential problems that were waiting in the wings take over. (Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, 2006) Now this is not to say we must discontinue all pleasurable activities in life. Like many people, I enjoy a good movie, chocolate, and the occasional massage. Taking the advice of Jonathan Haidt in his book The Happiness Hypothesis, pleasures must be spaced to maintain their potency (2006). For instance, the pleasurable activity of watching a good movie will lose its emotional potency if watched everyday. Ice cream is enjoyable during the first few bites but pleasure is lost if we eat the entire quart (Haidt, 2006). Pleasures feel good in the moment but provide no lasting benefit. They are quick delights that have strong emotional and sensory components (Seligman, 2002). The key is to savor the moment and space the occurrences far apart. Fulfillments Fulfillments come when we experience our inner strengths and abilities working at their finest. When our skills are challenged and our efforts have deep meaning the result is an increase of creativity, strength, confidence, and wisdom. Fulfillments are activities that draw fully upon our natural strengths and allow
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us to lose self-consciousness (Haidt, 2006). A fulfilling moment commonly comes after accomplishing, learning, or improving something (Haidt, 2006). For some of us, our fulfilling moments come when we engage in a strong social activity, give to others, spend adventurous time with the family, maintain disciplines of a religion, learn, journal, meditate, and even exercise. These fulfilling times build deep reserves of insight and wisdom for present and future use. They equip us with powerful tools for overcoming the obstacles preventing growth by creating an environment conducive for positive emotions such as joy, ecstasy, passion, optimism and hope which elicit powerful psychological and physical benefits. Dr. Carol Kauffman of Harvard Medical School states, "Positive emotions are central to psychological flourishing and have been found to have a significant impact on increasing intuition and creativity, and widening the scope of attention". She also points out that positive emotions have been shown to increase immune function, reduce inflammatory responses to stress, lower coritsol levels, and increase resistance to rhinoviruses (Kauffman, 2006). Engaging in fulfilling activities leads to an increase in positive emotions which will improve the quality of our lives. If our goal is to achieve peace, serenity, calmness, and overall harmony in life then it is necessary to maintain consistency with the disciplines that are congruent with our natural strengths and virtues. Filling our lives with pleasures that only satisfy immediate needs will lead to disconnect from our natural selves, but engaging in activities that challenge our skills and abilities will lead to a life of fulfillment. We can get a better insight into our natural strengths and abilities by filling out the VIA Strengths Survey at http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/ It provides a generic, but very useful, insight into our specific natural strengths and virtues. By discovering the virtues that steer our lives, we can better understand how to achieve a more fulfilling life. Dr. Wayne Dyer says it best in his book The Power of Intention, "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change" (2004). Many times we'll find that the activities in our lives don't necessarily have to change. It is the change of our focus that will transform the activity and how we feel about it. Csikszentmihalyi, M. (2000). The Contribution of Flow to Positive Psychology. In The Science of Optimism and Hope: Research Essays in Honor of Martin E. P. Seligman. Pennsylvania: Templeton Foundation Press Csikszentmihalyi, M. (2006) Key ideas - i. Flow. Retrieved on February 11, 2007 from http://www.centreforconfidence.co.uk/pp/index.php?p=c2lkPTEmdGlkPTAmaWQ9NDg= Dyer, W., W. (2004). The Power of Intention. Carlsbad, California: Hay House Haidt, J., (2006). The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom.(pp. 95 - 101). New York: Basic Books Kauffman, C. (2006). Positive Psychology: The Science at the Heart of Coaching. In Stober, R. D., & Grant, M. A. Evidence Based Coaching Handbook. (pp. 219 - 254). New Jersey: Wiley & Sons. Seligman, E., P., M. (2002). Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting Fulfillment. New York: Free Press
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